We don't know everyone's Story

 

“How is your day?”, a friend just asked me. I smiled and said it was good so far.

Okay. What do you think? Was it really good? or did I just say that for the sake of saying it. Well, how would you know?

Exactly how would you? How would WE know? What do we really know about the people we interact with? Do we know enough? Well, that's out of the question.

The truth is we don't. Okay, you might assume you know everything about the person because you both are very close and you share almost everything. That's alright to do so but does that mean you really know everything that person is going through...thick and thin? every minute detail of it? every inch of it? 

According to human nature, we have subconsciously built assumptions that we don't even know when we made it. We do it every day, every time, every second as our brain keeps working. 

As an example, if we see someone smiling and cheerfully doing their work we know that person is doing well. Why do we know?

It's because that person looks happy. Always smiles. Keeping up with the work. I mean why won't we think that way right? It is only natural for us to think that way. But God knows what that person is hiding behind that cheerful smile.

As we all live busy lives we get lost in the busy world. We may be focusing on our goals, our careers, our partners, our parents, our pets, our children, you name it! With this disorientation, we are really focused more on what's happening with us rather than what's really happening in the outside world.

Judgment

Judging, something that we easily do when it comes to others. Doesn't take us much time to jump to a conclusion and have biased opinions about them.

We never have an absolute idea about what's going on in other people's lives to have judgments about them. Sure, opinions pass in our heads about others but making a judgment is final. Considering contexts is an important factor too before jumping to conclusions.

"We are good lawyers of our own mistakes, we use our reasoning out capabilities to justify our actions; but when it comes to others' mistakes we become better judges, without putting ourselves in their shoes to understand why they did what they did."

 You never know what can be going on in someone’s life. Take care before holding, forming, and casting those judgments 

Why is it wrong to judge others…Because you aren’t walking their path in life or “walking in their shoes” so to speak 

So make judgments sparingly, when necessary, and only with compassion. Judging people poorly for superficial reasons is wrong. Doing so is usually seeking to elevate yourself by degrading others, and is a symptom of pride. 

We judge because it's the easiest thing to do.

Shouldn’t we challenge ourselves a little, defy our thoughts and be open to believing something beyond what is apparent?

I’m sure we all have at some point or the other in our lives tried to explain our intention behind something that we said, which supposedly hurt someone.

I have done it too. I might be doing it right now. But the important part is I have realized that a person can be going through a lot that we don't know of. So I try my best to take a few pauses before I say something- the taking into the action of the famous proverb,

“ Think before you leap”

We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption that humans make. And this is why we have a fear of being ourselves around others. Because we think everyone else will judge us, victimize us, abuse us, and blame us as we do ourselves. So even before others have a chance to reject us, we have already rejected ourselves. That is the way the human mind works.

Judgments are a necessary part of our evolution. Humans have relied on gut instinct and personal judgment to survive.

Therefore the wrongdoing is not in the judgment itself but rather the unwillingness to change our judgments when they may be flawed.

Let's take a moment to think

Why not give others a chance too? Why not try to understand the intention behind what the other person’s words convey. Just like we would want them to. Aren’t we all just mere human beings? Making mistakes as we continue to live our lives.

We all have a compass of our own, probably we try to put ourselves in that frame and see that what they have done is an aberration, something we might not do and might not approve of and hence it is harder for us to put ourselves in their shoes and understand the reality. But when it comes to our own lives, we are surprisingly understanding.

Let’s not see the world in just two colors, black and white. Let’s decide to give everyone a chance. Let’s just be a little more accepting of other people’s faults and hope they do the same for us :)

People are unique in their own way not by looks! 

Judging others is something that can't be avoided. It's integrated with our human nature. We judge others based on our assumptions and personal experiences but our assumptions may go wrong. 

Sometimes judging others goes wrong since we often create a different image of a person based on our assumptions and personal point of view whereas that person possesses totally a different personality. I experienced this quite a few times. I have been judged like this and I have judged others.

Yet we form opinions about others or judge others based upon our limited experiences: from how is it for us or the few people around us. Everyone is different in many ways. What is easy for one might be quite difficult for some other person. For one to completely judge another person, one needs to be completely aware of the other person's internal disposition which is not quite possible for us humans. So the judgment stands flawed.

Know when to give your opinion

So if you see someone ugly on the street you don't walk up to them and tell them that they're ugly. Because there really is no reason for you to do that other than to be rude and hurt other people.

However consider this, you're in a painting class and your work sucks. Should your peers and instructors "not judge" and not tell you about it? Absolutely no, you should be told and there is nothing wrong about it. Maybe not like, "dude your painting sucks", but it could be something more neutral like, "you need to work more on your strokes”.

You might wanna think about this next time

1)I'm not perfect. If I never did anything wrong or always acted unselfishly, I might always know the right things to do and say but that isn't my current reality.

2)More than likely I wasn't asked. Should someone want to know what my thoughts are on their actions, that would change the landscape but that doesn't usually happen with whom one disagrees.

3)The people we tend to judge are the ones we know least. Only once we know the person's life experience and motives can I see where they are coming from and where they are going. And I'm less likely to judge those whom I know best because I understand why they do what they do.

How to understand

It feels good while you’re doing it, but afterward, you feel guilty and sick.

When you’re tempted to speak of someone else in a way that might be negative, just ask yourself if you’d want someone saying the same about you.

First, we don't have any right to judge anyone. See every coin has two sides but usually, we only see one side. Everything happens for a reason, we all agree to this. Similarly, everyone has his or her reasons, sometimes they don't want other people to know or maybe there are some other reasons. So I think it's not good to judge someone at least before knowing their reason. In fact, we should not judge anyone even after knowing the reason, we have to understand their solution.

We have to make judgments based on limited evidence. But our judgments should be consciously provisional - thus we should be prepared to change our judgments if new evidence comes to light.

We should also not jump to conclusions too quickly when we just meet someone.

Perhaps then again, judging people is one thing, observing and evaluating people is another. You'd need quite a bit of empathy and selflessness to be able to understand people without judging them. But yes, your working frame would initially have to be the way you perceive and assess yourself.

 Over time, you can learn to adjust and extend that and actually see people. Until that day comes, however, what you like or hate in people is a very strong reflection of what you like or hate about yourself. So learn from that and change yourself. Good luck! 

You’ll never know 100% of the facts of anyone’s situation. But everyone is entirely within their rights to make judgments, as long as you’re honest about what you don’t know, and that you’re constantly reviewing your judgments as additional facts come to light. 

I wish people would get over the fact that people judge. Judgment is a good thing, it’s a smart thing. It’s an inevitable thing.

It’s only bad if you get absorbed in your initial impressions, refuse to change your opinion as further facts come up, or form opinions based on external criteria.

But remember everyone is fighting their own battles, be kind whenever possible…

It's always possible! :)

If you gained something new or if you also have been judged and think it's unfair, feel free to comment down below.